yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
