That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
