i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
