Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
