im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
