Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
