I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize