already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
