apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
