Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just found puke in my bra..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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