all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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