the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
