he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
