Someone shit on the floor
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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