On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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