U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
