she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
