I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
