I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
