last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
