my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
