I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
