Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
