Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
