my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just pee around me
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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