Tell her she can't have a vagina
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
