i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
