i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize