the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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