Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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