can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
