sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
