every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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