My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
