So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
