living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.