I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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