the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.