she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
