Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
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i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
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I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.