But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
