I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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