evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
