and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize