Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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