I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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