i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
