Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
