i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
