I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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