Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
