I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
