ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I am naked and annoyed.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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