I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
