im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize