please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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