you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
