Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
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Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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