Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Randomize
