remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
