Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
