Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
