roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
