She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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