i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.