every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
where are you?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.