If i come over, it means nothing
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap