When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
