that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
where am i from again
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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