somebody snuck up and got me drunk
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
