Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
