I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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